good god
There is this intimacy that, over the past, how ever long it’s been, I have only been able to find in myself. And so with that, I take no shame in using my self as a canvas. But I do long to show many things that are extremely personal and uncomfortable to act out or say or do after the fact. I have love for these moments; it is apart of whom I am inside that I like. I stand by self sometimes to watch and it’s never old to see the eyes, the backs, the fingers. On a level headed plane, I am frustrated. The feeling is more that I am stuck than uninspired, stuck in something. Sometimes if I let go, I know I will hit something eventually but it’s just that when I do so and I hit to most divine thing, I look at the clock and it is many hours later than when I was released. I would like for the criticism or the trivializing to give me strength to drive harder, but I am forever the one who is weak. I could leave, I could stop, that’s how much it can hurt sometimes, make me want to sever the only real link I have to my mind.
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Still am I when I can see your words leave your mouth.
The diamonds of water that leave me,
Are inexpensive at best.